Just a Dream
by InsertSomethingClever
Summary: Songfic "I was hoping for forever, just like you said," he said sadly, tears flowing down his face. "Now I guess I'll never know..." -character death- Yullen


**Aya:** This song is just so sad. I absolutely love it! I have no idea what brought this on, but here it is.

_Song: Just a Dream _

_Artist: Carrie Underwood_

* * *

It was two weeks after the day she turned 18  
All dressed in white, going to the church that night  
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,  
Six pence in her shoe  
Something borrowed something blue

He stared blankly at the door, silver eyes out of focus. Around him, his comrades were talking amongst themselves, not bothering to keep their voices down.

"It can't be true…he's too strong for this…"

"I'm sorry to say that it is true."

"Nii-san, this is a joke isn't it? It's not very funny so stop it!"

"Linali-chan, I wish it were. I wish it were…"

"Allen…" he felt a hand rest upon his shoulder and he looked up with a blank expression. Lavi stood next to him with grief written over his face. "What are you thinking?"

Allen shook his head and looked back at the door. "He promised…"

_And when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the Tears oh she just couldn't believe it  
She heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands_

The flower stood in its place, mocking him. Mocking every fiber in his being. Its beautiful petals held themselves proudly, reminding himself too much of their owner. Allen looked away as his heart lodged in his throat. He gently touched the window, tracing the small water droplets that slid down.

He had let himself into the room, hoping to see him meditating, growling at him for even daring to enter his room without his permission. But there was nothing but silence. It mocked him as much as that damn lotus.

Timcampy fluttered sadly on his head, nuzzling its body against the white hair. It brought back memories of calloused hands running themselves through his hair and a deep voice commenting on his 'old man hair'.

The small golem opened its mouth and music so sad pierced the air, playing the pain he would not show.

_Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go  
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know  
Oh, I cant even breathe  
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background  
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,  
This can't be happening to me  
This is just a dream_

"Kanda…" his voice quivered as he curled into himself on the samurai's bed later that night. "You said forever. You promised. Didn't you say that you hated those who went back on their word?"

_The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray  
Lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt  
_

"Friends, we are here to honor the life of Kanda Yuu, a brave exorcist, an honorable comrade, a unique young man…" Allen didn't listen as Komui went on to talk about Kanda, about how great his life had been.

Had been. Not was, like it was supposed to be. Not here alive, holding Allen tightly as he whispered comforting words, chasing away this nightmare.

Next to him, Lavi had his chin rested on his folded hands, glancing at the british teen with worry. He had tried to wrap his arm around Allen's shoulders as the service started to comfort him, but it had just felt so wrong, so very very wrong. He stated quietly that he appreciated the gesture but he didn't want anyone to hold him like Kanda had.

"…please Lord, help those left behind; heal their hurt…"

The words brought tears to his eyes which he stubbornly wiped away. There was nothing that could make this pain go away. Nothing to make Kanda come back.

_Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard  
Then they handed her a folded up flag and  
She held on to all she had left of him oh and what could've been  
And then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart_

The people stood up from their pews to sing, but Allen couldn't make himself move. Lavi placed his hand on the smaller teen's shoulder, a lone tear falling down his face as he felt the shoulders shaking ever so slightly.

The white haired teen bowed his head into his hands trying to block out everything around him. The singing grew louder and Allen felt his teeth grind. _'Stop it,'_ he screamed in his head, _'Stop it! Kanda wouldn't want this! He wouldn't!'_

They finally stopped and Komui called his name. Robotically he stood, walking up the aisle, eyes downcast to avoid the stares of those around him. After what seemed like an eternity Allen stood in front of Komui who looked upon him with sadness. Wordlessly he handed the teen Mugen, Kanda's precious sword. The pulse of innocence was dead and it felt oddly cold to his touch but he gripped it like a lifeline. He turned around and walked out of the church.

_Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go  
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know  
I can't even breathe  
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background  
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,  
This can't be happening to me  
This is just a dream_

Memories flooded his mind as people got up to say goodbye. The first time they met, the first mission they had together, the first time Kanda ever smiled at him, the first kiss they had, the first time they gave themselves to each other… it struck painfully over and over and over again.

He heard Linali's sobs, muffled so as to be strong, for him. Miranda's wails of how she should have died instead of Kanda his last mission. Krory's muttering to Eliade on how he wished she was there to help him weep. Komui's shifting in his seat and Reever's sharp whispers to stop.

Bookman's silence and Lavi's blank stares in his direction.

He was being buried under the large cherry blossom tree that Allen and Kanda had spent many days lounging under after a hard session of training. There was no Akuma poison in his system and was allowed this small favor. Allen felt a snort bubbling in his throat.

Favor… Some favor…It shouldn't have been done for many many years. He should still be alive…

_Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go  
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know  
Ohh I'll never know  
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background  
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,  
This can't be happening to me  
This is just a dream_

Finally it was his turn. Allen stood up and made his way slowly down to where his love lay in his casket forever. Gently he placed his hand on the wood and gave a soft, sad smile. "Kanda…" he whispered the name, letting it float off with the sakura petals.

"I was hoping for forever, just like you said," he said sadly, tears flowing down his face. "Now I guess I'll never know…"

A sob wracked his body and he tried to hold it in. "I know you'd hit me if you ever saw me like this," Allen gave a dry humorless laugh. "Threaten me with Mugen, and then eventually hold me until I felt better. I wish this was just a dream…"

How long he stood there he would never know. After what seemed like eternity he removed his hand and brought the rose he had been given to place on the casket up to his nose, inhaling deeply. "I know how much you hate these. I'll…" another sob escaped and he wiped at his face, "I'll take care of it. I'll put it with the last one you gave me."

Slowly he turned around and gave one last smile. "I love you. Forever," he whispered before he walked away, towards Linali and Lavi who were waiting with open arms.

_Oh this is just a dream  
Just a dream,_

_Yeah, Yeah_

* * *

**Aya**: I think this is the sadest thing I have ever written. It kinda made me want to cry.

**Kanda**: You killed me.

**Aya**: Sorry, the idea for this song just had to go with you and Allen.

**Kanda**: I'm _dead_.

**Aya**: ...just in this fic?

**Kanda**: I'm going to murder you.

**Aya**: Eep! Please review to keep me alive! Allen!!

**Allen**: You better run!


End file.
